The Things I Don’t Remember
I’m tired this evening. Very, very tired. It’s not even 8:00, and I know if I go to bed right now, I’ll wake up at odd times in the night and not sleep well. So, I’m writing to try to stay awake just a little while longer.
That means you get some weird thoughts tonight. Philosophical thoughts that I usually reserve for Joy of Writing. But these fit better here. So, you get them. Ready?
There was a time when I blogged about everything. It has left me a beautiful scrapbook of little things that I otherwise would have completely forgotten.
Since I’ve blogged less in the past few years – and taken fewer pictures – I know there are many things I’ve lost. For instance, I made a note earlier this year about Steven try to make bread for us as a surprise. I was supposed to blog about it. All I know is that he’s never actually made bread on his own, and I don’t at all remember that particular incident. And I never wrote about it, so it’s gone.
One part of me does wish I’d remembered to get those things written down. Recorded stories behind some of my pictures.
But in a way I’m glad I didn’t.
You see, I’m a perfectionist in so many ways, and it really comes out in my blogging. I want the pictures arranged just so and the text to match. So, what should be a quick, ten-minute blog-writing session becomes an hour and a half of getting things just right.
How much of life do I miss in that hour and a half?
Then I remember all of the posts I haven’t shared. All of the pictures I haven’t uploaded. And I feel behind because I never built those blog posts. How can I share THIS activity if I didn’t share THAT one?
And the hour and a half stretches…
There is a lot of beauty in right now. A lot of delight in little things like Steven climbing from the back seat of the Durango into the middle while we were stopped for gas…just because he wanted to touch me. He reached up and rubbed my arm. Just because.
And if I get so caught up in the perfectionism of every blog post, I miss the right now.
So, what’s the goal?
Well, the goal is to get back to recording more of those little memories. But, to also be less meticulous and perfectionistic. To just record the memories, even if it’s not a grand, wonderful post. To take those ten minutes and not let them turn into ninety.
Some weeks I’ll do well. Other times I’ll fail utterly. But ultimately I want to change my habits.
There…told you it was weird thoughts!
Now, let’s go see if I can find some pictures and write up a post of something I haven’t shared yet. You know, because the kids are in bed early (they’re tired too), Doug’s sitting beside me doing some writing of his own, and I want to stay awake…just a little…while…longer…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.